Emotions... | Good or bad?

Do you ever think that you are absolutely ridiculous for feeling the way that you do?

Welcome to my world.


At bible study a while ago, everyone attending was asked to describe themselves with one word.  My one word; Emotional. It describes my whole being. Basically...how I live each day. My emotions, I admit, rule my life most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that having emotions is bad. Emotions can be good, happy even. But how often do you associate the word "emotional" with "happy"  or "joyful". . . not very often huh?! I remember being teased a lot when I was younger for being too sensitive. So in my mind this sensitivity is bad, or annoying. I have to tell you though, I feel for other people too....not only myself......and I don't know if I would call that a blessing or a curse?  It's exhausting! But at the same time, it helps me to be able to understand people and be compassionate for them, and to them.
I just don't I like being one who FEELS so much, so often. The one thing that I am sure of is that I can not change this thing about me. Not is my own strength anyways. What if this is just who I am? So, I am trying to figure out how to balance my emotions so that they don't effect me, or other people, in a negative way.  I am so sorry to anyone whom I have effected in a bad way by my out of control emotions.  And, for those who have listened and encouraged me through times when even I cant stand my self; Thank you, so much,  from the very depths of my emotional and "feel-y" being. I don't know what the purpose of this post is . . . besides maybe just venting a frustration.
I don't have a lesson here, or an answer Its a little truth about me. Rosanna ♥

Father, please, steady my heart. .

                  ...renew my strength 

"The LORD is my strength and my song; 

he has become my salvation. 

He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, 

and I will exalt him." (Exodus 15:2) 

"My soul melts away for sorrow; 

strengthen me according to your word!" (Psalm 119:28) 

"Fear not, for I am with you; 

be not dismayed, for I am your God; 

I will strengthen you, I will help you, 

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) 

"....that according to the riches of his glory 

he may grant you to be strengthened with power 

through his Spirit in your inner being" (Ephesians 3:16) 

"O Lord, my Lord, the strength of my salvation, 

you have covered my head in the day of battle." (Psalm 14:7)

I continually look to myself for strength. When times in my life are hard....I'm ashamed to say that the first place I run is NOT to God. Its either to my family, friends, or myself.....Even though I KNOW that God is the supplier of all my strength, He tends to be my last resort. Why is that? Its my own sinful nature. That's the only way I know how to explain it. So many times it says in the bible "my strength is in the Lord, HE gives me strength when I need it.....just at the right moment! Look to the Lord for strength!" Yet, every time.....every time my life gets messy, I turn and run almost in the opposite direction from the strength that awaits me. 

My heart leads me in the wrong direction, because it is "deceitful above all things, and wicked: who can understand it." (Jeremiah 17:9) I definitely don't understand it. 

My heart is so flimsy, and it knows not what is best for me.

At this time in my life, I feel so very emotional, and tired, and worn out....spiritually dry. And I recognize that I need God, I am ever in need of his grace in my life, and his strength to pass through the tough spots. The messy days. 

I do not want to continue to walk blindly through these trials, trying to find my own way. 

So, I want run to Him and poor myself out to Him. 

I want to humble myself before him, confessing my ignorance to Him. 

I want Him to take my heart! I trust Him to take my heart and steady it.....make it whole! 

To give me strength....and carry me through the fire.

Wish it could be easy 

Why is life so messy?

Why is pain a part of us?

There are days I feel like

Nothing ever goes right

Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here

You're real

I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts

Even when it's hard

Even when it all just falls apart

I will run to You

'Cause I know that You are

Lover of my soul

Healer of my scars

You steady my hear

I'm not gonna worry

I know that You've got me

Right inside the palm of your hand

Each and every moment

What's good and what gets broken

Happens just the way You plan

You are here

You're real

I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts

Even when it's hard

Even when it all just falls apart

I will run to You

'Cause I know that You are

Lover of my soul

Healer of my scars

You steady my heart 

And I will run to You

And find refuge in Your arms

And I will sing to You

'Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart

Even when it hurts

Even when it's hard

Even when it all just falls apart

I will run to You

'Cause I know that You are

Lover of my soul

Healer of my scars

You steady my heart

I'm not gonna worry

I know that you've got me

Right inside the palm of your hand

                               - Steady my heart by Kari Jobe

^This is the cry of my heart. 

To the God of all creation, who knows each and every one of his children by name, I pray that You would incline Your ear to me. Hear me. I confess that I have not honored You as I should in my life, I fail You every day. But, Father, would you grant grace, strength, and mercy.....even to the wretched sinner that I am. Thank you for Your ever present love and care in my life. You are so good, even when there is nothing good in me. You are so worthy of all my adoration. My heart belongs to You. 

Amen

Africa Update!

It is officially official :)
We are going to Uganda, Africa THIS YEAR!

Tickets have been bought!

And, as in "we" . . .  my dear dear friend Brenna is joining me! I am so so so excited to share this experiences with my best friend. And I am so glad that God has made it possible for us to go together. This lady has blessed me by her ever present friendship and care. I thank God so much for giving such a wonderful friend to me.
 <3 I love you so much Brenna <3 

~

And I would love to just say Thank You so much to those who have donated to my Uganda trip, and helped me get the funds I need.

I am still highly dependent upon your support to raise the rest of the funds I need. I have about $1,500 to raise before I leave on April 15th, 

but I believe that God will provide what I need :):)

Here is a link to my "Go Fund Me" account. 

And if you would like to send a donation by mail, my address is

Po Box 534

Fernwood ID, 83830

Checks can be made out to Rose/or Rosanna Primer

I'm going BACK to Africa!

If any of you know me you are probably aware that in the summer of 2011, four years ago, I went to Uganda, Africa for two months on a missions trip, and have longed to go back ever since. Many of you even asking, on a regular basis, when I plan on going back. After four years of praying and waiting, it has been decided that I will be returning to Africa for 3 weeks in the spring of 2015 with NGM (Next Generation Ministries)! I couldn't possibly be more excited for this opportunity and I can not wait to see my Africa family again.

I know you will ask what I will be doing there, and since I have been before it seems that I would be better equipped than last time to give an answer. However, I must say that you can never give a perfectly accurate description of the work that God is about in and though his people. These missions trips are made to focus on individual relationships with people and your own relationship with God. And in the time since it was started  Next Generation Ministries has seen many of the Ugandan people come to a devout faith in Christ; and grow, as young men and woman of God. NGM is committed to changing the nation of Uganda one person at a time through mentoring and discipleship that is based on deep interpersonal relationships rather than building projects, or staged events and programs. What could be more rewarding than being involved in work like this? 

I am highly depending upon your support to make this trip happen. Even though I do have a job, it is only part time. And I am saving as much of my paycheck as possible to go towards this missions trip. The overall financial need is a maximum of $3,000 (by March 2015) for my ticket, the expenses of my stay there, vaccines,  as well as money for ministry purposes. The idea is to minister through relationships, but there is always an opportunity to bless a family with new bed mattresses, food, or to share in paying for medical attention..etc; And to have enough funds to do such things is my desire. If you can support me in a financial way, I would be very grateful. And, most importantly, I also need your prayer support. Prayer is the fuel that we need as we follow God's leading in ministry. I know God will provide for me if it is His will for me to go.


I will add a link to my "Go Fund Me" account. 

And if you would like to send your donation via snail mail my address is

Po Box 534
Fernwood ID, 83830

Checks can be made out to Rose/or Rosanna Primer

And here is a slideshow of my Uganda trip in 2011 if any of you are interested in seeing pictures of life in Jinja Uganda(:

Love and blessings to each and every one 

What she must be // guest writer

It was requested that I write a sequel to "What He must be" and title it "What She must be". However, in these past busy weeks I have been tied up in how and when I would sit down to write. And not only that but I also felt as though it may be better to hear such a topic from a Mans point of view. 

Well...my dear sister and her husband so happened to make a very surprise visit all the way from New Mexico, and while they were here I was able to talk to my brother-in-law on the subject AND asked him if he would guest write this blog post for me. He graciously accepted the challenge, and I highly agree with that which he has written down for ya'll to read and ponder. 

So, without further ado . . . 

Scott Willis

November 4, 2014


What she must be
A man's perspective on whom to pursue


A long list of requisite qualities and characteristics which a young Christian man may
maintain and to which he may often refer when he meets a young lady is not a bad thing; nor
should it be considered overly prudent to be quite choosy in considering who to pursue as a mate.
But the one trait that is of primary importance is that of deep and abiding humility. Humility is
the chief of all virtues, both in men and women. Jesus himself came in total humility (Luke
22:27, Phil 2:5-9). We want Christian spouses, and no Christian is made by God without the
infusion of humility in the soul. Therefore humility is the first, the highest of all all graces.
Humility is what makes a Christian a Christian, because no one can be saved without it. From
humility flow all the other virtues: selflessness, sacrifice, honesty, and all others; they proceed from
the humble heart. A single man who wants a wife should look for a lady who is humble, because
the truly humble feminine heart yields all the other desirable qualities in a wife.
First, if a young woman possesses the humility which is native to a regenerated/saved soul,
then she will have the blessings of the indwelling Spirit of God for all of her life (1 Cor 3:16); this
is the single greatest blessing a man could wish for in his wife. If she has the Spirit of God, then
she has the promise of life-long sanctification (Phil 1:6), so that a man may know certainly that
she will be a wife who will, over the years, grow in grace and wax greater in every virtue and in
all affection.
As a second example, we might rightly say she also must be modest, not given to vanity. But
humility is the vanguard against vanity. Humility is the very opposite of vanity because humility
doesn't think of itself, but only how it may serve others. The humble woman seeks to honor God
and bless others even with her beauty, while the vain woman seeks glory for herself, idolizing the
ephemeral accolades of a fickle world. Therefore the humble woman will be modest.

We might further say that she must be diligent; and humility will make her so (Proverbs 31).
If she is humble at heart, she will think of her duty and her future and her family before herself;
and, having these things at the fore of her heart, she will pursue what is best for them, and do so
tenaciously and assiduously; that is to say, diligently.
In short, young men should look for a woman who is both humble and actively cultivating humility. How would she appear to do so? If he sees her serving her family, submitting to her
parents, refraining from the spotlight of attention in social situations, listening more than
speaking, smiling (knowing the joy of fulfilling her divine feminine privileges), taking an interest
in those with whom she may converse rather than dominating the conversation by talking always
about herself, and generally trading her interests for the blessings of God upon those within her
sphere of influence. If he finds such a lady, he should consider himself blessed by God, and
ought to be humbled himself, and to feel unworthy of her. Her humility ought to increase his;
and his ought to inspire hers. This is the formula for a beautiful marriage, and so this is what she
must be: truly, divinely, and deeply humble.
We should recognize that this vignette of a humble woman is precisely the same vignette of
a humble young man. A single woman should look for a man who is humble; and her search will
find her seeking a man who serves his family, submits to his parents, stays out of the spotlight, is
slow to speak and quick to listen, does not dominate conversation but instead interests himself in
the lives of others, and trades his time and energy for the blessings of God upon others.
Humility in his heart will lead him to do this; the difference between his humility and hers is only
found in their respective roles as man and woman; not in essence, motivation, purity, nor object
of their humility because the essence and purity of their respective humility comes from the same
God, and the motivation, object, or goal, of the humility in each of their hearts is His glory.

-- I would only add that first and foremost that it is of utter most impotence that a woman truly Love God MORE than herself. Second; that she be selfless/servant hearted. Kind/loving. And also that she be Industrious (or as Scott said, diligent.) And of course, if one is humble...these aspects and character quality's stem from the humble heart.

I believe that one must be humbled first, before ever seeing their own need for the Lord.
So there you have it. . . preparation to be a wife starts with your faith. What do you need? 

What He Must Be...

As a young woman surrounded by a world that is all about relationships, you can hardly be surprised that I have spent a lot of time dream and thinking of "that special someone." And not usually in a silly, giddy, giggly, way at all. . . but Seriously. I have spent time praying for my future husband too, and that alone is so so important. My sister and I used to make lists of things we wanted in a guy, and at first it was silly little things like "brown hair, tall, funny" But as I grew older God really tugged at my heart to start paying attention to the really important things. Character. Passions. Vision. etc;

This is in no way a check list of any kind, just a gathering of things that I have seen in the lives of the men I know. . . things that I admire, and would hope to find in my future husband.

so here is a peek inside my mind. . .

//
I want a man who is after my heart, not for what he can get.. but simply for loves sake. A man who sees me for who I am, and embraces every part of me, both the beautiful and the ugly. A man who has gone through the hard work of pursuing God's heart first; in search of mine. A man who understands partnership and has the guts to partner with me and lead from a place of strength, Purity, and faith. It is so important for me to have a husband who can, and will, challenge me spiritually. One whom I can grow with in my faith, and who is willing and able to be the spiritual leader in our home.

Slow to anger is a pretty big priority. 

Broken; he understands how to really rely fully upon Jesus (Philippians 4:12-13)
Ministry minded; concerned about lost souls. (Matthew 28:19)

Motivator; a man of vision; wherever he is, he's faithful (1 Kings 2:3-4)
Sensitive spirit; in tune to the needs of others. (Galatians 6:2)
Understands the awesome responsibility of a husband to his wife, (Eph. 5:25-31) 

Humble; enough to be a disciple [teachable] and be able to disciple others. (Matt. 28:19-20)
Man of prayer; he knows that the key to success is his private time with God. (Col. 4:2)
Family man; he desires to have children, and raise them properly for God's glory. (Prov. 22:6)

He must love God above all else! (Even me)

I'm not out to find a short-term relationship, where I can have the closeness of a man. I'm content with waiting for a leader, someone I can follow, someone that I can be a help meet too. I'm not looking for someone that will fill my emotional needs here and there, but someone who can be used in my life as a sanctification tool. Someone that I could walk alongside that would walk alongside me. I'm praying for a  husband. I'm asking the Lord to send me someone who fears the Lord greatly. A man that has a vision, a mission. Not a man that is perfect. But a man who fears the Lord.
That that is what I'm looking for.

//

for Christ ad his kingdom

Faultless . . .

YES, I am full of sin. . .And I do not feel faultless / as I should /  Every day I feel pain and guilt, even though I know that I have been forgiven and saved by Gods amazing grace.  Is it wrong for me to feel down? To be honest . . . Sometimes it's on my lowest days  that I feel closest to God.  It's not just on the good days that HE IS FAITHFUL. 

#life  #thoughts  #thisisme  #savedbygrace