Steady my heart.....

                                            ...renew my strength 


"The LORD is my strength and my song;
 he has become my salvation. 
He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, 
and I will exalt him." (Exodus 15:2)

"My soul melts away for sorrow; 
strengthen me according to your word!" (Psalm 119:28) 

"Fear not, for I am with you; 
be not dismayed, for I am your God; 
I will strengthen you, I will help you, 
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) 

"....that according to the riches of his glory 
he may grant you to be strengthened with power 
through his Spirit in your inner being" (Ephesians 3:16)

"O Lord, my Lord, the strength of my salvation, 
you have covered my head in the day of battle." (Psalm 14:7)


I continually look to myself for strength. When times in my life are hard....I'm ashamed to say that the first place I run is NOT to God. Its either to my family, friends, or myself.....
Even though I KNOW that God is the supplier of all my strength, He tends to be my last resort. Why is that? Its my own sinful nature! That's the only way I know how to explain it. 
So many times it says in the bible "my strength is in the Lord, HE gives me strength when I need it.....just at the right moment! Look to the Lord for strength!" Yet, every time.....every time my life gets messy, I turn and run almost in the opposite direction from the strength that awaits me. 
My heart leads me in the wrong direction, because it is "deceitful above all things, and wicked: who can understand it." (Jeremiah 17:9) 

My heart is so flimsy, and it knows not what is best for me. 

At this time in my life, I feel so very emotional, and tired, and worn out....spiritually dry. And I recognize that I need God, I am ever in need of his grace in my life, and his strength to pass through the tough spots.
I do not want to continue to walk blindly through these trials, trying to find my own way. 

So, I want run to Him and poor myself out to Him.   
I want to humble myself before him, confessing my ignorance to Him. 
I want Him to take my heart! I trust Him to take my heart and steady it.....make it whole!
To give me strength....and carry me through the fire. 


Wish it could be easy 
Why is life so messy?
Why is pain a part of us?
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
'Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You've got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way You plan

You are here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
'Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart 

And I will run to You
And find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
'Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
'Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart

I'm not gonna worry
I know that you've got me
Right inside the palm of your hand

                              - Steady my heart by Kari Jobe


^This is the cry of my heart. 
        To the God of all creation, who knows each and every one of his children by name, I pray that You would incline Your ear to me. Hear me. I confess that I have not honored You as I should in my life, I fail You every day. But, Father, would you grant grace, strength, and mercy.....even to the wretched sinner that I am. Thank you for Your ever present love and care in my life. You are so good, even when there is nothing good in me. You are so worthy of all my adoration. My heart belongs to You.
                                                                   Amen  

Restless.....

My life right now seems like it is at a stand still. Everything is in slow motion. I nether feel Spiritually rich, or spiritually lacking. I'm stuck somewhere between the lines.

I feel like my spiritual life is just vapid.

I sit and read the bible, but struggle to find any significant meaning in the passages.
Its not like my world is shattering...or falling apart, I am so blessed with the life God has given me! But.......there is just a peace that is missing. I know what it feels like, I've experienced that blessed gift before and I know that it is absent in my life right now. And it frustrating; 'cause I keep searching for it.....but I can not find it.

My question is; does God allow us to go through times in our life where we nether feel peace nor chaos?

I'm trying so hard to give this over to God, but it is harder said than done. I'm tired of feeling restless. And I'm tired of being spiritually tired.
I don't really know what else to say....
Please, if there is anyone who reads my blog, would you take some time to comment bellow and share your thoughts with me? And will you guys be praying for me?

Thank you so much!
Love and Blessings always <3

Re Daddy's Hands...

Am I allowed to re post old blog-posts??
This is a story I wrote a little while ago on my blog. And i was just reading it, an wanted to post it again.


~

I am yet a child......
Still to young to walk alone.
I need my daddy's hands to hold mine, to guide me..
And to be there if I fall.
Like a baby, everything is so new to me..
so big..
and so fascinating..
So eager to grow, and to become independent.
I long for freedom..
I see and experience all that I can from the safety of my daddy's arms..
but what is beyond this?
Trying to loosen his grip..
I squirm..
fight...
cry..
Then, I break free!
Finally, I get to see ALL that my daddy's arms kept me from..
finally I get to do what I want..
.......or so I thought.

Just a few steps on my own, and I fall on my face..
the pain and the hurt..
and just like a child I cry.
Looking up from this fallen place..
everything looks scary now!
I chock back the tears..
The shame and guilt I feel.
Now I understand..
my daddy was trying to protect me.

~

Still laying face down on the floor..
I wait for someone to take pity on me..
....I look around..
but no one has noticed.
I whimper..
and begin to cry.
I try to get up..
but I am too weak..
Then, as if it were my last resort..
I turn my attention back to my daddy..
but through my tears I could not see him..
has he forgotten me?
has he left me here all alone?
I am filled with anger..
And just before I let out a blood curdling scream...
......gentle hands reach down and pick me up.

You were right daddy.
I wanted to say, "I'm sorry."
burying my face deep..
grasping and holding on tight..
Don't ever let me go!
He hugs me close..
and kisses the top of my head..
"My child....I want only what is best for you"
I stiffen..
"Then why did you let me fall?
You allowed me to get hurt.".
and in a loving voice he said..
"Remember my child....you pushed me away..."
.....and I remember
that struggle..
rebellious, and unaware of my fathers desire to keep me safe..
I had pulled away from his guiding hands.
"And when I looked back and did not see you..?"
"I was not behind you child..I was by your side"
"Then why did you not catch me?"
"I give you free will.. so that you may learn from your mistakes and grow.

If I always padded your fall, you would never experience pain and suffering, and without pain and suffering, you would never gain knowledge; nor self-control; nor perseverance; nor godliness; nor brotherly kindness; nor love."


"For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." (2 Peter 1:5-8)

Closing thought;
Trials strengthen my character and increase my faith in God. So, they are for my ultimate and eternal good!


Blessings always <3

Clear The Stage....

"Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols
Jerk the pews & all the decorations, too 

Until the congregations few, then have revival

Tell your friends that this is where the party ends
Until you're broken for your sins, you can't be social
Then seek the Lord & wait for what He has in store
And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful

'Cause you can sing all you want to
Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong;
Oh, worship is more than a song

Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper
Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister

Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open
Then read the Word and put to test the things you've heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

'Cause you can sing all you want to
Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong;
Oh, worship is more than a song

We must not worship something that's not even worth it
Clear the stage, make some space for the One who deserves it

Anything I put before my God is an idol
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol
And anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol
And anything that I give all my love is an idol

'Cause I can sing all I want to
Yes, I can sing all I want to
And we can sing all we want to
We can sing all we want to
We can sing all we want to
And still get it wrong
Worship is more than a song

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze
If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols"

                                                    Clear the Stage - Jimmy Needham