Make Me Broken

There is a song by sidewalk Prophets that Brenna and I have been singing over and over. First we just chose this song to play for a benefit concert before we came to Uganda, but then.. . when we reached Africa and sang it one afternoon Paul Hunter asked us to share the song at Church; So we got up and sang it our very first Sunday in Africa in front of 800 people!

 We have continued to share the message in this song at different events, including a Teen Challenge meeting we went to last week in Kampala.
Each time we sing this song I just come to love it more and more.
I found out that the verses which inspired this song came from Psalm 51:1-2, 10-11 which says, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.”

Most of the time I would never think of asking God to make me broken, but I think it is something that I need...to be made uncomfortable so that I might be in a place to do great things for him. I've gotten too comfortable where I am. 

Another thing that I have realized is that I'm not as free, and open as I thought I was. When it comes to sharing our heart on the veranda each morning, I find it so so hard to communicate even with those I know. 

Its not a good thing, because if I can not even share the gospel with the people I am close to, how can I go out and share the love of God when I struggle so much just within myself?

So I have just been asking God to break my down, and show me please how to be free. 

Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

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I wrote what is above just a day ago, and there is so much that has gone on in my heart since then. And I know that God is doing what I asked. . . he's breaking me down, and its hard and painful somehow.

Im struggling to connect to people that I am living with here. . .I feel very far, and I dont know if it is because I have been too dependent on my friendships and relationships with people. . . Is this Gods way of showing me I need to depend more on him and less on the people around me? . . . It is very hard for me to be distant from people, cause I feel like I need them. 

 There is so much that I'm thinking about, and so much in me that I know needs to grow. Papa Hunter has so much good teahing, so much to say, and its hard for me to prosses it all and apply it to my life.

I know who I am, and I think I know why I am here . . . 

. . . but I dont know if I know where I am going.  

What I am doing. . . I dont want it to be for me. It is to be for God, for his kingdom, and for his glory.