Beholding and embracing

I am so so sorry for having taken such length in time between posts.
When I came home from Africa, I brought some nasty illnesses with me. But I never really took it seriously. I avoided taking the medications I was given, and I shrugged off the precautions that my doctor suggested.  While at Moody, my health deteriorated at an alarming rate.  Due to great thought, prayer, and conviction during the five month's I was at school, my parents asked me to come home and not to return to school in the spring.  So, at the end of December, and my first semester at Moody Bible institute, I moved back to Fernwood to live with my parents again.  I admit I struggled greatly with this at first. Having made such a wonderful community of friends in Spokane, as well as gaining a great love for learning, studying, and the atmosphere of school. I had many fears that came with the thought of moving home. I feared coming home because of the lack of growth I had experienced in the past, before stepping out and attending college. I also feared to lose

the friends I had just made. However, I love and respect my parents and their authority, and I trust that they know what is best for me. So I came home.  Even though I came home, I struggled with my attitude about leaving behind what I had just begun in Spokane.  I struggled with my attitude towards my parents for taking me away from my new community of friends.  I struggled with frustrations about what I would do with my life, now.  Once I was settled in at home, my parents asked that I not look for a job (having been independent since I was 15, they felt that I needed to learn how to be content to stay at home). Begrudgingly I consented.  So many people have praised me for my submissive and humble attitude about everything that has changed in my life. Please understand, though, that it took me a while to come around to having a truly right and godly attitude about coming home, and not having a job being content with it all. I struggled on the inside. Even though I was obedient and submissive outwardly, there was plenty of grumbling and crying on the inside. But, coming home was a good thing, for my health especially. I fear that if I had stayed in that living situation much longer I would have suffered immensely due to the severity and decline of my health. Over the past 2 months, my parents have been helping me to take better care of my health and body, follow the doctors orders to bring healing....and honestly, I haven't felt that great through the recovery. I am still quite far away from being well again.  It is a slow process. And, as my parents say, I am still a very sick girl. I know most people wouldn't guess it to look at me, but please be understanding. No one knows the way that I feel except for me.  On a happier note, my heart is more content now than it was two months ago, and I know that God is at work teaching me new things through difficult circumstances.  I mean really, no one relishes being sick, but I trust Him, just like I trusted my parents, and I know He has my best interests in mind.  When I sang" Oceans" in our worship service, I had no idea that my cry to "take me deeper than my feet would ever wander" would look like this.......it is not what I had in mind.  However, it is becoming more OK all the time.
I would greatly appreciate your prayers! And please, if anyone has anything that they would like to have prayer for, don't hesitate to send a request my way. I would LOVE to pray for you.


For Christ and His Kingdom